Is it true that our generation is much more sensitive compared to others? Do we get all worked up over small insignificant things? Frankly, I think sometimes we do, and it’s not helping anyone. Here’s on why we shouldn’t be taking it personally.

What we say out loud should be a much more refined and deliberated version of what we are thinking, but sometimes we forget to think before we speak. Often, we unintentionally can hurt someone’s feelings, or cause an upset. Although most people don’t purposely go out to hurt others, sometimes ignorance or lack of self-awareness creates insensitivity. So there’s no point in getting angry at someone or majorly disappointed for this reason. When people speak, they are just expressing their opinion, even if it is wrong. This means, before having a major reaction to someone’s statements, keep in mind that opinions aren’t facts and they do not have concrete power over you.

Unfortunately, we humans place way too much value on what others think of us. We are also led to believe that the way people act with us indicates how the world sees us. If a stranger is rude to us or someone unexpectedly yells at us, we focus on what we did wrong and basically torment ourselves. Yet, normally such harsh behaviour hardly has anything to do with us and more to do with the inner frustrations or events of the offender. It sucks that lots of people are unable to control their emotions and this affects how they behave towards others. Yes, it is unfair that you are caught in the whirlwind of their anger or their sadness. But there’s no point in reacting negatively and worsening their already sour mood. Don’t let your day be tainted by something that is basically unconnected to you. So next time some random person is completely rude to you brush it off.

In fact, I challenge you: next time somebody unnecessarily gets angry or frustrated with you, take yourself out of the equation. Treat them with kindness and watch the whole situation turn out for the better. It really works. Just the other day when I was out, I accidentally bumped, quite roughly into this man while walking on the street. His immediate reaction was to yell at me, saying “what did you do that for?”, obviously very annoyed at me. At first, his response angered me. I had not intended to do this, particularly not to a stranger. Then I realised he wasn’t angry at me, well, not really, but he was frustrated with something else beyond me. So, I looked him at him and said, “I’m sorry, and I hope today will be amazing for you”. Funnily enough, his face completely changed, and he smiled, thanking me, and walking calmly away. Now can you see the power in realising someone else’s angry words don’t have to affect your own?

Criticism is both tricky to give and tricky to receive. In the end, it is our decision to decide what we do with feedback, and we mustn’t confuse such comments with personal digs. We need to remember that criticism is just what someone else believes and doesn’t mean that it’s right. Yes, it’s important to be open to receiving constructive criticism and feedback because that’s how we grow and learn from our mistakes. But we shouldn’t be making it a mission to listen blindly to whatever someone tells us, taking it way too personally and as a result, stopping at nothing to “fix” ourselves.

Be a person of agency; use your own judgement to determine whether the criticism you received is relevant or something that you must modify. It’s quite sad that commonly we are so good at fixating on that one negative comment compared to the hundreds of positive reviews we get from others. We waste lots of time worrying and often view these negative comments as personal attacks, when often they are not meant to be. Why spend extra energy and time overanalysing yourself when instead you need to distance yourself from such energy and move on.

So, it’s one thing to say to not take it personally, but it’s another thing to put into practice, and I know it’s quite hard when we are so conditioned to look for the approval of others.

What has worked for me is to not respond straight away when I receive negativity from someone. Thanks to mindfulness – (wow, this works?!), I have come to understand that my once reactionary character was such a halfway style of living. We have a conscious brain that we should be using to analyse and interpret our situations, so let’s start using it more. After taking some time to reflect, my initial anger normally subsides, and I give myself space to think. I choose whether the comments are meaningless rambles or don’t warrant my time. I justify comments that take up a little space in my brain and deal with them without hostility and fear. By stepping out of yourself, as the world really does not revolve around you (or me for that matter), we can make better judgements. Another technique that I use to not take it too personally is to write or use voice memos to work through an interaction. Sometimes this helps me to understand if a comment was offensive or just silly and pointless. Hopefully these tips can be useful to you too.

The time has come to stop making every comment a personal attack on yourself. People make mistakes in how they say things and we should respond with compassion and helpfulness instead of destructive fury. Help others and help yourself by recognising a situation for what it is – mostly undirected at you, but instead fuelled by external environments.