We all know that humans are social creatures. But this doesn’t mean that we should be spending time with just anyone. on why it is so important to check in on not just who you hang out with but also the why.

The area we struggle the most with in terms of making good choices is in our relationships, most prominently with recognising when its time to move on. For certain periods in our lives, it makes sense to have specific people around you, but when your life changes, maybe some of your friends should too. This is like when you hear someone say that highschool was the best time of their life (seriously bro?). Sure, high school can be great, but it shouldn’t be what you hold onto for the 80+ years ahead of you. Make room for many bigger and better opportunities that will have more meaning compared to 6 years of teenage hormones and forgotten nights. You can appreciate people that you have spent time with even if they are not a major part of your next chapter.

1. Spend time with people who challenge you to think differently
It is so important that we do not find ourselves stuck in a bubble where we are never growing and never evolving our mindsets. Even if we don’t agree with someone else’s viewpoint, listening to another way of thinking allows you to understand them better, and humans generally.


2. Those hurtfully honest friends
I appreciate those people that let me know that the dress was tacky or that I was speaking too freely. They bump us out of our ignorance and hit us with the cold hard facts which may be uncomfortable but is worth it. It is much nicer (?) to receive a slap in the face rather than a knife in the back.


3. The go-getters
Let’s be real, we all have a competitive streak in our bones. We like to try and do better than others, so that is why when we hang with people who just kick back and don’t really do much, we are less inclined to make something of ourselves too. Refuse to just meet the minimum. Be inspired by the go-getters and find your thing.
4. Spend time with people who you genuinely want to spend time with
People who make you feel good or when you’re with them, you know that you’re going to have a good time -value these people. This natural connection that comes with sharing experiences is a normal desire of every single human. Do not underrate these people because they can teach you so much about how you want to live a happy life. You don’t always have to be focused on your personal development!


5. Family
Family members are meant to be the people who have your back always through thick and thin. But I believe there’s two sides to this. Just because someone is related to you by blood doesn’t mean they necessarily have your best intentions at heart. But in saying that, I hope that you do find that most of your family members are generally there to support and help you. I can confidently say that within my own family, we love and support each other, even if sometimes it is tough love. I know that my overly invested aunties, always joking uncles and crazy cousins have all played a massive role in creating the person who I am.

Stop spending time with people you feel obligated to spend time with. Socialising shouldn’t feel like a chore. I know it may be over-said, but life is short, and you never know what’s going to happen. Do you really value the time you spend with someone who brings you down, bores you, or negatively influences your sense of self? Now this is a tricky concept to get your head around. I struggled with this, particularly when transitioning from high school to university.

I was stuck in the habit of spending time with high school friends who talked about tv shows I didn’t watch and found it strange when I didn’t show an interest in listening to cat story after cat story. With my degree at uni, it was difficult to find time to spend with them as much as they wanted to and I found that with my university friends, I had a lot more in common with them and preferred spending time with them. I tried to catch up with my high school friends as much as I could, but every time I went to a social event with them, I felt that we were on different paths. I started feeling very disconnected and out of place when I spent time with them, which confused me.

I think I hung onto the naive idea that your high school friends would become your friends forever. The more I thought about it, the less I felt inclined to engage in conversation. I knew that I needed to redefine what I saw as friendship. Finally, it took me awhile, but I concluded that I valued a different sort of friendship. After realising this, I started to prioritise my time with people who cared about me and shared similar interests with me. I stopped going to events where I would feel out of sync. Little did I know, my high school friends also had felt the same way towards me and had even created a group chat on Facebook called the insider group. Wow perks of having forever friends from high school, I guess. Anyway, I felt so liberated and happy that I had finally come to this conclusion and gave me an option to spend time with people who wanted to know me rather than talk about the bachelor all night (no offense - it’s just not for me).

I know that it’s so hard to say no to people and to make these adjustments. Yet, we need to think about who we do spend our time with and understand if we are spending it well. Everyone who you associate with has an impact on your life. People unconsciously adopt the feelings of others. Even if you didn’t realise it, that depressed barista who served you your coffee, made you feel a little bit gloomier. If this short interaction has the power to make you mimic this negative feeling, imagine how much those you are hanging out with can affect you.

Have a think and be open to change.