DANIELLA BIANCHI
MAY 28th, 2022
It’s taken me a long time to realise that saying no to people or plans is okay. For years now, my family and friends have been telling me that I’m crazy because I never have a free night in. It was true for a while that I couldn’t possibly ever spend a Saturday or Friday night just at home. It was frankly, quite inconceivable. Yet, always being out meant I was always jumping from one thing to the next –yep, I know, tiring. Finally, I have seen that always agreeing to plans is not actually very agreeable. Here’s
Saying no means rejection, right? Actually it doesn’t. In my head I used to associate say no to plans as a rejection of a night. I would go out with people who weren’t my people or who didn’t make me feel good about myself for silly reasons. Be it FOMO (fear of missing out) or rather FOSI (fear of staying in). In reality, by saying yes to plans I didn’t care much about, I was saying no to the more important aspects of my life - family dinners, extra study or sleep. It sure took me awhile to realise this, so what flicked the switch?
At the start of this year I was feeling very overwhelmed, and quite frankly, I was undervaluing myself. I was working 3.5 days a week, going to university two days a week and doing my thesis. Of course, my social life dominated my evenings. I felt like I had no time and I was squishing everything in. Hanging out with lots of people never really means you hang out properly. It is like when you are hosting an event, and you spend so much time making sure that your guests are having fun, that in the end you are the only one who doesn’t. I didn’t give myself enough time to just enjoy. I had to step up, change my attitude and prioritise my time. I needed to say yes to the aspects of life I was neglecting. So boom, I started working 3 days instead, limited the number of my outings a week and oh boy, did I feel much better. I never realised that going to bed at 10pm on a Friday night would make me feel so guilt-free.
In all honesty, I think I was worried that other people would think I was lame for saying no. But why should I care what others think if I am happy with myself instead?
Evidently, to live a little doesn’t equate to constantly being busy. To suggest going out or working all the time are more valuable activities than dinners with your family and friends, travels to interesting places, and doing things that make you happy is just a value judgement rather than a statement of truth. To think that living fully and completely only when we're busy is a story - and not every story is true. Making time for instances of awe and beauty to unfold – having fun without the rush - is wisdom at its best. You can work hard and yet also “savour the fruits of your labour”. Essentially, find the balance between having fun, looking after yourself, and working on yourself. The socialites need sleep, too.
the go
on why saying no means you are saying yes to more.Saying no means rejection, right? Actually it doesn’t. In my head I used to associate say no to plans as a rejection of a night. I would go out with people who weren’t my people or who didn’t make me feel good about myself for silly reasons. Be it FOMO (fear of missing out) or rather FOSI (fear of staying in). In reality, by saying yes to plans I didn’t care much about, I was saying no to the more important aspects of my life - family dinners, extra study or sleep. It sure took me awhile to realise this, so what flicked the switch?
At the start of this year I was feeling very overwhelmed, and quite frankly, I was undervaluing myself. I was working 3.5 days a week, going to university two days a week and doing my thesis. Of course, my social life dominated my evenings. I felt like I had no time and I was squishing everything in. Hanging out with lots of people never really means you hang out properly. It is like when you are hosting an event, and you spend so much time making sure that your guests are having fun, that in the end you are the only one who doesn’t. I didn’t give myself enough time to just enjoy. I had to step up, change my attitude and prioritise my time. I needed to say yes to the aspects of life I was neglecting. So boom, I started working 3 days instead, limited the number of my outings a week and oh boy, did I feel much better. I never realised that going to bed at 10pm on a Friday night would make me feel so guilt-free.
In all honesty, I think I was worried that other people would think I was lame for saying no. But why should I care what others think if I am happy with myself instead?
Evidently, to live a little doesn’t equate to constantly being busy. To suggest going out or working all the time are more valuable activities than dinners with your family and friends, travels to interesting places, and doing things that make you happy is just a value judgement rather than a statement of truth. To think that living fully and completely only when we're busy is a story - and not every story is true. Making time for instances of awe and beauty to unfold – having fun without the rush - is wisdom at its best. You can work hard and yet also “savour the fruits of your labour”. Essentially, find the balance between having fun, looking after yourself, and working on yourself. The socialites need sleep, too.