DANIELLA BIANCHI
MAY 26th, 2022
This may come as a shock to some people, but I should reveal a secret. Humans are not mind readers! It’s difficult for people to really understand you all the time because your thoughts, your wants and your feelings are all part of the unknown for someone else. The only way that another person can truly tell your internal monologue is if… they ask! Here is
When we expect things of others and do not communicate properly, we are bound to be disappointed and dissatisfied. This may come in many forms and relate to several aspects of our lives. Let me take an easy example : birthday gifts and we know how much birthdays do matter. The majority of the time, the best gifts are the ones that you have had your eyes on for a while and that actually mean something to you. Imagine if on your birthday you finally were given that dining experience you had been salivating over (just me?). Instead, you could probably open up your own bottle shop by now. We all know how difficult buying a gift for someone is and how you want to get them something they like. Here is your solution: just ask! It shows you are considerate of what someone would like and shows you have put some thought into their present. I am going to say it, alcohol as a gift is overrated, and who needs to drink to have fun anyway?
But, birthday gifts aren’t the only thing we tend to assume the answer to. Let’s look at how we treat others. It’s great that these days there is a major focus on communicating to others about how you feel and how we want them to act around us. But much progress still needs to be made. Often, so many mixed ideologies of what we should and should not say underlying the whole idea of ‘cancel culture’, has left many of us confused and feeling like we are always doing the wrong thing, even if we have the right intention. One of the key reasons why we keep stuffing up when it comes to others is because we assume what they want, instead of asking. We feel like we are always making mistakes when instead, if we only fixed the big blaring mistake (assuming), we could have much happier, and understanding relationships. Some people need that push forward and encouragement from others that can be gained through talking and asking. It is a two-way street, too. Set the standard by asking, and you will be asked in return. Give people the freedom and motivation to share themselves so you stop feeling like a fool.
You should be familiar with how you value yourself now and have a clear idea of how you want people to behave around you. That is the thing – people have different ideas of this for themselves. People like to be treated in a different way and there is no “normal”. People behave differently and like to do their own things. For example, some of us like a morning routines but others like to go as they feel. We all have our own opinions and it would be ridiculous to think we are in unison. Just look at the recent election, Labor definitely didn’t win by unanimous vote, but let’s not get into politics. It is insensitive to assume that just because someone we knew liked their head to be popped as a greeting (I have no idea who would, but it is just an example), doesn’t mean everyone does. So if you are unsure, use your voice and check in. People appreciate it when you ask.
Making assumptions can be the devil for friendships and relationships. So many problems could have been avoided if the people involved didn’t assume. Asking instead of silent wishful thinking can do wonders. That counter-argument when people say that your loved ones should just understand you, is bull. We should know that unfortunately, telekinesis is not a common skill. It is really sweet when someone goes out of their way to ask if you like something or to check in on you. This makes you feel that this person is thinking of you and that they are thoughtful.
Often we can be quick to make judgements based off our assumptions. Yet, our assumptions can misguide us and lead us to incorrect conclusions. You know that friend that hasn’t gotten their driver’s license yet? You might think that they are lazy. You didn’t know that their parents don’t have time to take them driving because they are always working really late, and they can’t afford driving lessons. On the surface, what we think of them is false and unfair, basically a big wrong assumption. Being able to make assumptions is a wicked aspect of the human experience, but remember that we never really know the true story, so everything we see, we need to take it with a grain of salt.
It is clear that assumptions are often incorrect (which makes sense, as they are really just our guesses). Remind yourselves to think of the bigger picture instead of clinging to an idea that you’ve built up in your head. It’s natural for you to try and gauge situations, but trust me, if you ask, you are going to make your life a little less stressful.
the go
on why we should be asking rather than assuming.When we expect things of others and do not communicate properly, we are bound to be disappointed and dissatisfied. This may come in many forms and relate to several aspects of our lives. Let me take an easy example : birthday gifts and we know how much birthdays do matter. The majority of the time, the best gifts are the ones that you have had your eyes on for a while and that actually mean something to you. Imagine if on your birthday you finally were given that dining experience you had been salivating over (just me?). Instead, you could probably open up your own bottle shop by now. We all know how difficult buying a gift for someone is and how you want to get them something they like. Here is your solution: just ask! It shows you are considerate of what someone would like and shows you have put some thought into their present. I am going to say it, alcohol as a gift is overrated, and who needs to drink to have fun anyway?
But, birthday gifts aren’t the only thing we tend to assume the answer to. Let’s look at how we treat others. It’s great that these days there is a major focus on communicating to others about how you feel and how we want them to act around us. But much progress still needs to be made. Often, so many mixed ideologies of what we should and should not say underlying the whole idea of ‘cancel culture’, has left many of us confused and feeling like we are always doing the wrong thing, even if we have the right intention. One of the key reasons why we keep stuffing up when it comes to others is because we assume what they want, instead of asking. We feel like we are always making mistakes when instead, if we only fixed the big blaring mistake (assuming), we could have much happier, and understanding relationships. Some people need that push forward and encouragement from others that can be gained through talking and asking. It is a two-way street, too. Set the standard by asking, and you will be asked in return. Give people the freedom and motivation to share themselves so you stop feeling like a fool.
You should be familiar with how you value yourself now and have a clear idea of how you want people to behave around you. That is the thing – people have different ideas of this for themselves. People like to be treated in a different way and there is no “normal”. People behave differently and like to do their own things. For example, some of us like a morning routines but others like to go as they feel. We all have our own opinions and it would be ridiculous to think we are in unison. Just look at the recent election, Labor definitely didn’t win by unanimous vote, but let’s not get into politics. It is insensitive to assume that just because someone we knew liked their head to be popped as a greeting (I have no idea who would, but it is just an example), doesn’t mean everyone does. So if you are unsure, use your voice and check in. People appreciate it when you ask.
Making assumptions can be the devil for friendships and relationships. So many problems could have been avoided if the people involved didn’t assume. Asking instead of silent wishful thinking can do wonders. That counter-argument when people say that your loved ones should just understand you, is bull. We should know that unfortunately, telekinesis is not a common skill. It is really sweet when someone goes out of their way to ask if you like something or to check in on you. This makes you feel that this person is thinking of you and that they are thoughtful.
Often we can be quick to make judgements based off our assumptions. Yet, our assumptions can misguide us and lead us to incorrect conclusions. You know that friend that hasn’t gotten their driver’s license yet? You might think that they are lazy. You didn’t know that their parents don’t have time to take them driving because they are always working really late, and they can’t afford driving lessons. On the surface, what we think of them is false and unfair, basically a big wrong assumption. Being able to make assumptions is a wicked aspect of the human experience, but remember that we never really know the true story, so everything we see, we need to take it with a grain of salt.
It is clear that assumptions are often incorrect (which makes sense, as they are really just our guesses). Remind yourselves to think of the bigger picture instead of clinging to an idea that you’ve built up in your head. It’s natural for you to try and gauge situations, but trust me, if you ask, you are going to make your life a little less stressful.