Isn’t it funny how we can remember an amazing vibe that we had while talking to someone, but can hardly recall what we spoke about with them? There is so much more to our connections than mere words alone - we should also be paying a lot of attention to how we act towards one another. Here is on creating positive feelings in our conversations rather than presenting a hurricane of words.

It would be so tricky to pinpoint which exact conversations or statements made me decide that my friends were the good kind. Yet, if I was asked to describe how I feel around them, it would be a piece of cake. I know that hanging around my chosen people makes me feel free and happy to be myself. Naturally, I associate amazing “feels” rather than specific words with my pals. Sure, what they say plays a role in how I see them, but how they treat me is a complete game changer.

Really, communication is only 7% words (according to Albert Mehrabian, a professor specializing in non-verbal communication) so that means less than 10% of the information we want to convey is in spoken words. The remaining 93% is made up of body language, tone, and vocals which contribute to how people feel and respond when communicating. There we have it ladies and gentlemen, proof that we focus more on how we felt with someone rather than what was said.

Yet, that is not to say that we shouldn’t pay attention to what we say, because really, having opinions and speaking with purpose affects the whole mood of our conversations. It is important to remember that our actions support what we say and change how we say it. If we take an example of someone distractedly saying “I am here for you” while staring at their phone compared to the same words spoken with genuine intent, with a hand on your shoulder, which would make you feel more convinced?

• Maintain authenticity.
It is crucial that we spend more time speaking honestly as we as humans pick up on authenticity. Being sincere is never overlooked, and in fact, we often are drawn to those who we pick to be more genuine.
• Listen.
It seems that many of us are unaware that a conversation and a monologue are very different things. This means listening to others instead of hearing only the sound of our own voice is key to growing a good vibe. People like to feel heard and can easily pick up on cues when you are not mentally there. So, practice listening.
• Understand.
Being able to respond instead of just reacting is a vital attribute that we all need to develop. This means actively listening, which really strengthens our connections with others. So, stop planning your response and instead hear. People are searching to identify with others, and I know we are all very familiar with the talks around belonging. Empathy comes from realizing and recognizing how someone else feels, and there is no better way to learn about someone than to listen to them.
• Be personal.
A breath of fresh air is always welcome. Smashing the bottle and sharing intimate details with those you trust nurtures closer bonds in your relationships. Having some depth and being vulnerable are traits that we respect and value in others.

True and lasting connections are an instinctive human desire. If we truly want to develop our own social networks, we cannot rely solely upon what we say. People won’t remember what you say, but how you made them feel. We should be wary of how we behave and how our mannerisms influence others while talking. Who knew there was so much more to conversations than verbal language?