DANIELLA BIANCHI
APRIL 5th, 2022
I have been writing this blog for a while. I have come back to it, month after month, trying to find the right way to describe my experiences. The life of a woman in clubs is complicated…
As many of us are quite aware, life has pretty much returned to “normality”. We are going out to restaurants, we are going out to bars, we are seeing our friends, and it’s a pretty sweet time. As things are going back to normal, the nightlife of the female carries on taking peculiar shapes. Here is
I’m not going to lie and say that I haven’t been out that much. What people call a 3-night bender, is just my usual weekend- the Fireman’s calendar comes in handy for this sort of thing (if you want evidence of my calendar, let me know and I will drop it in the comments). This means that I know what it is really like to hit the clubs and have seen most of the ups and the downs.
Once on the train going into the city, it is relatively tame (in comparison to the hooligans on the train on the way back). I always carry my EarPods in my bag in case I have to whip them out as an excuse to not chat to some random person giving me the eyes.
When I’m out with my girls we’re getting cocktails and food, we’re laughing and enjoying the company and it is all fine - Just for reference, if you haven’t tried Gin Lane in Chippendale, it is a real gem.
Even the unwanted hand on your back or, God forbid, when a random person grabs your waist out of nowhere is something to be expected. Keep your hands to yourselves, isn’t that what they used to tell us about EVERY DAY in preschool? To be open and comfortable with another person usually means seeing them and making them feel safe. So please, instead of smashing your body against her backside, try introducing yourself first. FYI, it is called a dancefloor, not a grindfloor.
We have so many code words, moves, and straight-up instincts to protect each other from the creeps. We help eject each other from unwanted situations, probably on average 3 times each, per night. This is a regular part of going out that we always prepare for. Sad really.
If they say, “I have a boyfriend”, a classic one-liner, this should indicate that they are not romantically interested. When people react to this statement by trying to push/prove it, I feel so much pity. C’mon man, don’t make it a desperate situation. One time, in using this excuse, the guy replied with “I have a girlfriend” and then attempted to make out with me. Wow, what a keeper (sarcasm).
Essentially, your success relies on how you approach it AND who you approach. Sometimes, the girls are afraid of the guys in the club based on previous experiences or just aren’t interested in anything so don’t take it personally if they reject you, which happens most of the time. Failing is good for learning, they always say right?
As much as our mothers worry, the expectations behind the drink are not as prevalent these days. If you are both being honest and are good people, you know that buying a drink does not mean one owes the other anything. In a public setting and without any pretences, you are generally on the safe side.
So going out to the clubs does come with risks, but sometimes we need to live a little if we see value. Allow yourself to enjoy the “buzz” of Sydney night life but do so within reason.
As many of us are quite aware, life has pretty much returned to “normality”. We are going out to restaurants, we are going out to bars, we are seeing our friends, and it’s a pretty sweet time. As things are going back to normal, the nightlife of the female carries on taking peculiar shapes. Here is
the go
on what it really is like to be a girl out on the town.I’m not going to lie and say that I haven’t been out that much. What people call a 3-night bender, is just my usual weekend- the Fireman’s calendar comes in handy for this sort of thing (if you want evidence of my calendar, let me know and I will drop it in the comments). This means that I know what it is really like to hit the clubs and have seen most of the ups and the downs.
Getting there
My nights normally start as I am walking to the train station at about 6pm. Not infrequently, a car driving by honks the horn, yes, even in that short 100m from the car to the station. In case it isn’t clear, us girls actually don’t like this! Instantly, this sort of thing makes me angry, and if I find it in me on a particular night, I raise my hands in frustration. NOT COOL. Honking the horn only achieves bitterness in the receiving party and there is no positive outcome, so why? When complaining to one of my ex’s about this, he said I must be asking for it with what I wear. Good thing he is an ex. Spoiler alert: I am not responsible for the immaturity and crudeness of others. If girls who like girls can control themselves, maybe what we are wearing isn't the issue? Women don't owe people modesty to be respected and taken seriously. Its 2022, and we are still making girls feel like it is their fault for being harassed? Anyway, everything I wear comes with my grandma’s seal of approval – she thinks my dresses are lovely. Once on the train going into the city, it is relatively tame (in comparison to the hooligans on the train on the way back). I always carry my EarPods in my bag in case I have to whip them out as an excuse to not chat to some random person giving me the eyes.
Arrived
In the city, I’m there for my friends. I go out because I love to boogie, and I love to hang out with my buds. Those people that have this twisted (harsh but true) way of living, where going out is just a means to pick up (I had an in-depth conversation about it with my last Uber driver who informed me of this, I couldn’t wait to be out of that car) are silly. I’ve never really been about that quick fix life and don’t see much point in it. Quality over quantity for sure. When I’m out with my girls we’re getting cocktails and food, we’re laughing and enjoying the company and it is all fine - Just for reference, if you haven’t tried Gin Lane in Chippendale, it is a real gem.
The battle on the dancefloor
Most of the trouble comes in when we hit the DF (dancefloor). I don’t know what really goes through people’s heads, but smacking people on the butt is not a way to introduce yourself. I definitely don’t appreciate it when some stranger does it to me. Neither do my homies and gosh do we get riled up about it (my friends rock). Even the unwanted hand on your back or, God forbid, when a random person grabs your waist out of nowhere is something to be expected. Keep your hands to yourselves, isn’t that what they used to tell us about EVERY DAY in preschool? To be open and comfortable with another person usually means seeing them and making them feel safe. So please, instead of smashing your body against her backside, try introducing yourself first. FYI, it is called a dancefloor, not a grindfloor.
We have so many code words, moves, and straight-up instincts to protect each other from the creeps. We help eject each other from unwanted situations, probably on average 3 times each, per night. This is a regular part of going out that we always prepare for. Sad really.
You can make a move… in the right way
I do admit, from the rare sort I have met in the club, I am a bit of a sceptic of “finding love in the club” – Sorry Usher – but that doesn’t mean that we need to be rude to those searching. I have to say that I do respect the grind, though. It takes a lot of courage to approach someone. I am always down for a chat with someone new and I know that people are out to have a good time and connect socially. Yet it should be motivated by kindness, respect, and curiosity. If they say, “I have a boyfriend”, a classic one-liner, this should indicate that they are not romantically interested. When people react to this statement by trying to push/prove it, I feel so much pity. C’mon man, don’t make it a desperate situation. One time, in using this excuse, the guy replied with “I have a girlfriend” and then attempted to make out with me. Wow, what a keeper (sarcasm).
Essentially, your success relies on how you approach it AND who you approach. Sometimes, the girls are afraid of the guys in the club based on previous experiences or just aren’t interested in anything so don’t take it personally if they reject you, which happens most of the time. Failing is good for learning, they always say right?
The benefits
After painting this dire picture of the uninvited attention, I must come clean and admit that there are a few sneaky perks as well. I am talking about the occasional free entry and the many free drinks, which probably explains the free entry. My wallet loves me for it, but my mother not as much. A tip of caution, when receiving a free drink, make sure you go with them to get it, just in case. In a year, between 3000-4000 drinks are spiked and, 4 out of 5 are females, so be wary.As much as our mothers worry, the expectations behind the drink are not as prevalent these days. If you are both being honest and are good people, you know that buying a drink does not mean one owes the other anything. In a public setting and without any pretences, you are generally on the safe side.
The verdict
As a female, we face challenging situations, and the clubs are definitely not a location that we find things are easy for us. Yet, the grotesque and offensive behaviour we see out is hopefully a part of the changing landscape. We need to talk about it more, particularly to the unaware parties (I am talking about you, guys!). I know, many of my male friends are shocked when they hear about how I feel after incidents. Nobody had told them it actually wasn’t ok. So going out to the clubs does come with risks, but sometimes we need to live a little if we see value. Allow yourself to enjoy the “buzz” of Sydney night life but do so within reason.